What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
