I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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