You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
