Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
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Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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