Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
