dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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