it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
