The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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