don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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