i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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