I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
