Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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