I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
false alarm. still invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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