the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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