Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
