Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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