I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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