I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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