Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
