Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
