surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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