I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
