He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
