i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
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My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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