Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize