Did you just see the Batmobile???
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Randomize
