the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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