And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
