and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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