maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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