I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
