Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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