WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis