hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is