Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
