Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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