Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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