my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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