I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
