You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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