Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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