Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
