I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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