both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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