You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
