I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize