If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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