Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
