everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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