Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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