I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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