Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize